The Heads, The Crocodile and The Wolf.
14 Jul 2010 1 Comment
in My Dreams Tags: Crocodile, Dream, Hanging, New York City Policeman, Putrefaction, Severed Heads, Suicide, White Wolf
A recent dream. (Because I have nothing else prepared. How lazy a blog post is a dream, apart from the write up?)
It was evening. I was with an old school friend - Claire. We were trying to get ahead somewhere before her mother got there, so we could pretend we had been there all along. We ran along a dark path through grassland and we found ourselves at some railings. They were strange railings. They formed a box shape and there was a door on them that made them like a cage. We got inside to try to get out the other side. Once we were in, we couldn’t get out. A New York City policeman came by and shone his flashlight through the railings at us. He told us we had to get out, that the tide was coming in. And then I noticed that Claire had gone, the door was swinging open. I tried to leave the cage but somehow I got caught up with the policeman in some ropes that were there out of nowhere, and we were suddenly up high, swinging. I left my body and I was watching us swing from above. The ropes caught around our necks and with the swinging they kept tightening until our necks were as narrow as pencils, and our bodies vanished and there were just our heads swinging there – and we had two heads each. I watched our heads as they rapidly changed colours going through the spectrum of putrefaction. My heads ended up a purple and gold colour.
Then I was with two friends of mine, Ellie and Adrian. We were walking along a wooden walkway that was partly submerged in water. It lead through a grassy kind of Everglade swampland. I looked down into the water, which was no longer clear, it had turned white. I saw a crocodile, it was made of a fluid white clay like substance and looked like it kept reforming itself. I screamed for Ellie and Adrian to stay on the walkway. The crocodile rose out of the water and tried to jump to us, but it fell back in the water. Adrian jumped into the water and started to wrestle with the crocodile and I was stunned and couldn’t believe he was even attempting such a thing.
This crocodile scene sprinkled away and I was walking somewhere else and I saw a hesian sack on the ground. I picked it up and inside there was the leg of a white wolf. The leg was moving. I saw other sacks so I looked inside them. They all contained a different body part of the same white wolf. I held the heavy head of this wolf and it was moving and I felt really sad that it was still alive – because what kind of life could it have like this not attached to all the rest of him? Then a woman passed me and she told me that the white wolf was being prosecuted for experimental suicide.
I woke up.
Any analysis welcome!
x
In Spirit.
14 Jul 2010 14 Comments
in My Poetry Tags: fear, love, realization, spirits
Last night
I told you that I loved you
And needed you
So much,
I didn’t think I could live
If anything ever happened to you.
You told me not to worry,
If anything ever happened
You would always be with me,
Looking after me
In spirit.
This morning
I had just eaten breakfast
When I recalled this conversation.
A realization
Filled me with so much fear
I was immediately sick
And afterwards I sat there
Breathless, heart thudding,
So frightened
Because what do you do
If you don’t believe
In spirits?
Maria Warren
1993
…Oh You think I’m In Control?
05 Jul 2010 2 Comments
in Music I Love Tags: cathartic, chaos, feeling chaotic, Fortress Around My Heart, Ida Maria, masking confusion, masking pain, Oh My God, out of control, perfect music for your mood, resonating lyrics
For those times in life when you don’t know what the hell you are doing, feeling chaotic, lost, stumbling about, teetering on the edge of scary places or falling right into them…
This song sums it up utterly perfectly!!!
http://www.youtube.com/user/idamariamusic
OH MY GOD by IDA MARIA
Find a cure
find a cure for my life
Oh my God
oh you think I’m in control
Oh my God
oh you think it’s all for fun
Pin a smile
Pin a smile on my face
Put a price
put a price on my soul
Oh my God
oh you think I’m in control
Oh my God
oh you think it’s all for fun
Find a cure
find a cure for my life
Find a cure
find a cure for my life
Put a price
put a price on my soul
Build a wall
Build a fortress around my heart
OH MY GOD
oh you think I´m in control
Oh my god
oh you think it´s all for fun
Is this fun for you?
OH MY .. GOD
oh you think I´m in control
Oh my god
oh you think it´s all for fun
Oh My GOD!!
Ida Maria Lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com
Wordfood
04 Jul 2010 4 Comments
in Childhood Abuse, Mental Health Tags: alcohol abuse, anorexia, belittle, borderline personality disorder, burning, contempt, cruel words, cutting, diagnoses, dissociation, emotional abuse, fear, grief, humiliation, insults, kind words, labelling, numbing, overdosing, psychiatric hospital, psychosis, sarcasm, self-destruction, self-harm, self-starvation, shrivelled spirit, strong spirit, suicidal, taunts, terror, threats, verbal abuse
This film contains strong language and scenes unsuitable for young children. Please send your little ones out of the room!
Also, it could be triggering for some. Please try to be kind to yourself after viewing.
About Wordfood: I wrote, directed and narrated this short film in 2004. It’s a subject I am passionately concerned about – the effects of abuse in childhood on mental health. Themes explored are – emotional and verbal abuse, self-injury, dissociation, suicide attempts, hospitilization, diagnoses and labelling.
The film can also be viewed on the following site, along with a selection of other films with mental health themes. http://www.inspired-stories.tv/ This site is dependent on maintaining funding, so it may not be up forever but until then enjoy the films!
Wordfood was made with Flexible Films (http://www.flexiblefilms.co.uk/) and Inspirational Filmworks. Thank you to all the amazing and lovely people listed in the end credits - wouldn’t have been possible without them. xxx



